Did I ever tell you about the time I jumped out of my moving vehicle and it crashed into my garage?
Yes, this happened…and yes this was the ridiculous and embarrassing moment where I realized my life was spiraling out of control.
It started on a usual frantic morning of getting my son fed, dressed and dropped of at Grandma’s house before rushing to get to work? If you’re a Mom, I know you’ve never experienced a morning like this ;)
I had a jam packed day of back to back clients that day in the salon. By the grace of God, I actually arrived at work 30 minutes before my first client. Taking a deep breath, I felt a sense of relief…” Ok, I’m here I can take my time and get ready for my day”…and then it hit me.
OH SHIT! I forgot that we had no change in the drawer from yesterday. I immediately locked up the salon, jumped in my vehicle and was speeding at about 80mph to get home so I could grab some change. I always go into my house through the garage so before I was even in my driveway I’m frantically clicking my garage door opener to get that puppy open!
I pull in the driveway, put my car in park (so I thought), jumped out, ran directly in front of my vehicle and then into the house and up the stairs where I was greeted with the most terrifying crashing screeching noise.
I immediately grabbed a knife thinking there was an intruder in the house and my heart was pounding a million miles a minute. And then there was silence….
I was confused…in the moments after, my frantic brain quieted and everything started coming together. I slowly walked over to to my window and saw that my vehicle wasn’ t in the driveway where I had “parked” it. In that moment, I realized what I had done.
I slowly made my way down the steps to the garage cringing…kind of wanting to look but not wanting to look…you know what I mean? I slowly peeped my head into the garage. There I found my vehicle still running, in a diagonal position crashed like the Titanic into a heaping pile of stuff in my garage. I had just moved into my house 5 months earlier so I had a huge kitchen table, boxes and a boat load of other stuff in that corner that had been completely barged through by my driverless SUV.
Hand over my mouth…It’s hard to tell you what I felt in that moment. Embarrassment…like, did any of my neighbors just watch this whole thing unfold? How did I not get run over by my own vehicle in this whole debacle? Shock, disbelief, humor….I really didn’t know what to feel. But I didn’t have time to think about it because my mind immediately got back to business and reminded me that I had a client in about 15 minutes!!!
I jump back into my vehicle, figuring I’ll just deal with all of this later. I put it in reverse and try to back it out…nope, wasn’t working. I started getting more frantic and my heart started pounding in my chest. COME ON….I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!! I got out to see what was stopping me from being able to reverse.
Up in my wheel well I see a Boppy chair. Mom’s, I know you know what this little chair is but for those of you who don’t it’s a foam chair (almost like the size of an oversized basketball) that you can shimmy a baby into so they can sit upright.
Anyway, this damn thing is stuck in my wheel well. I start pulling, pushing, prying to get this thing out. Here I am in my heels, hair and makeup done wrestling with a god damn boppy chair that stuck under my car. Again, just thinking….my poor neighbors are probably thinking who is this crazy quack who just moved in. After what seemed like forever….I was finally able to pull it out. Jumped back in my vehicle, put it in reverse….hallelujah it worked!
I ripped out of my driveway, put the pedal to the medal and pulled up to the salon just in time to meet my first client at the door. Woaaaahhh, heeeeeyyy…I literally couldn’t help but feel like I just won some sort of championship. How did I just rush home, crash into my garage, avert a crisis and get into the salon in time for my first client. “DUDE, I am such a badass, nothing can stop me, I’m such a hustler.
I gave myself more internal trophies as I worked through my day, totally impressing myself that not only was able to have this crisis happen and still get to work on time, but I was ALSO able to do a full day of back to back clients without anyone knowing what a crazy shit show morning I had, how stressed I was. Wow, I’m so good at holding it all together…
Until I wasn’t…
I had just bought my vehicle a few weeks earlier. Do you know, I didn’t even take a minute to look at the front of my vehicle. I was so concerned with getting to work for my first client that I didn’t even take a moment to stop and look at what damage I had created by my careless and frantic rushing.
When I finally stepped out to check out the damage…there was none. None! Not a scratch, not a dent. Nothing. I literally looked around to see if someone had fixed it for me while I was working…I was so confused. How could it be possible that there wasn’t even a dent???
Miracles. I am 100% sure that God spoke loud and clear to me that day. He said “Wake Up” I took care of you this time…but things have to change.
It was a sobering moment. I realized my world was spiraling. I was working nonstop. I was becoming more and more absent minded, making careless mistakes. I was bending, pushing and constantly compromising for other people. I so consumed by building, by doing, by rushing, by overbooking, by performing all while I was slowly abandoning myself, my health, and my happiness.
That wake up call changed my life. Not instantly. I wish I could say that it was instant but sometimes you have to slowly build a ladder to climb out of the hole you dug yourself into. One aligned decision at a time. One brave action at a time. One empowered “No” at a time.
My life, over the second half of this decade has been a collection of all of these things. Reaching out for help where I needed it. Adjusting my schedule where it was necessary. Making scary decisions. Reaching out for more help. Doing more of what I love. Being more intentional with my time. Defining what I want my life to look like. Reaching out for more help. Stretching myself. Learning. Creating new habits. Evolving.
All of this was necessary. Desperately necessary. I hate to think what would have happened to me if I would have kept going like I was going. In all actuality the one thing that moved me forwardwas stoppingdead in my tracks.
I had to put an abrupt halt to the chaos. I had to settle the dust in order to see clearly. I had to turn the volume down on everyone else’s needs and requests for a moment so that I could hear what my heart was desperately trying to tell me.
If you ever find yourself in this moment, I just encourage you to listen to what it’s telling you. If your gut tells you to slow down…slow down. If it tells you to move on…move on. If it tells you to create…create. If it tells you to try…try. Don’t question your nudge. Don’t overthink the pull on your heart. The boldest bravest thing you can do is listenand trust.Have faith that things will work out.
I know what it’s like to want to know what the other side looks like before taking the leap. I know what it’s like to need to know all of the answers before taking action. I know what it’s like to want to know if it’s safe on the other side before you make a leap. I have felt all of these feelings before. But I can tell you in my own experience…I have been supported…every. single. time.
I just encourage you to explore the places in your life that feel out of alignment or are the source unhealthiness in your life. Maybe it’s the 50-hour work weeks, the overbooked schedule, the friends you’re hanging around, or the seclusion you’re putting yourself in. It could be an unhealthy diet that’s making you feel shitty or the constant comparison to someone else’s life.
Whatever it is…just acknowledge that it’s there. That you have made choices to get you to this place and that you are 100% capable of making decisions to get you out of it. And although it may take some time…one aligned and powerful choice at a time will bring you closer to a life that feels like your own.
Don’t let your life get to the point where it’s literally driving itself (get it ;) Take the wheel and direct it where you feel most alive.
Xoxo
Kristen